she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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