I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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