no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
