I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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