K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
