the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
