Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
