My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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