Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
