i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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