Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
