I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
