Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
