Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
