I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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