i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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