i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
