Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
