onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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