I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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