I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
false alarm. still invincible.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
