I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Say something about gay babies.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
