Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
