I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
