I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
