can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
