So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
