I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
