Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
