hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
