I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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