oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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