life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
