dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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