Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
