So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
