why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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