I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
