I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
