so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
