Are we in a gay sports bar?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
