Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This house was built for laser tag.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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