He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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