my mouth tastes like poor choices
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
