The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
MIDGETS
????
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
