i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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