im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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