Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
