she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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