I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
