i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
