I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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