Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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