ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
